Visitors should refrain from saying things that might offend the family of the deceased. Saying that “it was time for him to go,” “he lived long enough,” “it could have been worse,” and things like this can bring more grief to those left behind.

Parents who lost a child will not want to be reminded that their offspring died ahead of them. Nor is it comforting for them to hear that it was God’s will. “You can have another one,” should definitely be avoided as well. A child who died can never be simply replaced by another.

It is proper funeral etiquette to remain mum with regards to the timing, appearances, and theology of the deceased. The death of a loved one is never a good thing, under any circumstances. Keep in mind it’s never “the right time to die,” and no one has “lived long enough” from the viewpoint of those close to them.

Speaking about religion and God’s will is against good funeral etiquette as well. This topic should be left for the professionals, such as the priests and ministers. This is usually the common mistake majority of those of us are guilty of violating proper funeral etiquette.

What a friend can truly offer is his or her sincerity, support, and comfort, during a time of grief. He should anticipate the needs of each individual. The grieving process can be unique with each family member. It is an important part of funeral etiquette to allow the grieving parties to speak their minds out. Your role is to listen to them. They themselves might even say some things that should be normally be avoided, but it is their right to do so. They are struggling in finding answers for their loss. A friend should be there and be supporting. But the most important thing to do is listen. Keep your ears open.

The next thing to do with regards to funeral etiquette is to validate what the loved one has done for the deceased. Tell them how they cared and persevered during the hard times. A person might look strong on the outside but inside he might be grieving heavily. It helps him to be reminded of the good things he did while his loved one was still alive.

Proper funeral etiquette must be observed both at a funeral, and in the homes of those in mourning. Pay attention to those who are grieving, and learn how to approach each individual. The grieving process can be short or long. It depends on how the person takes it.

This post was originally published on In Loving Memory Poems at Funeral Etiquette.

Granny chose they dress me up in my favourite suit,
But this time there will be no return journey.
My brothers have put me in a box,
I am on display in the Living Room.
Living Room, what am I doing in the room of the living?
But they cannot hear me,
Because I cannot speak.

I hate this fake smile plastered on my face by the mortician,
It makes my Maggie cry.
Besides, what’s there to smile at?
And what’s Maggie doing calling out my name?
Can’t she see that my ears are blocked with wool?
I cannot hear her.
Look at little Krystal;
Does she even know I will not be opening my door for her?
Not tomorrow. Not ever. Never. No more Deshi!
Even Simon is here and he is crying.
Are those tears for me or for the twenty
Thousand shillings that now I will never be able to pay back?
But at least he comes near me unlike Olive
She has chosen to day to be afraid of me.

I thought I was mush loved at my place of work;
Where is my boss and workmates taking this box that am in?
Oh my! Oh my! Its 4PM!
Time for me to begin that dreadful journey
Jack fruit trees and banana plantations.
I so hate this path,
Mother took it and never came even though it was so close to our house.
You don’t believe me?
Then what of Aunt Harriet, Aunt Eva and Aunt Bernadette?
Little brother Douglas and Maggie’s Henry;
They all never came back!
I hate this path. I hate it! I so hate it!

And this pit they are lowering me into,
I don’t even know these men.
Who are they and why are throwing me in a pit?
Now I know I don’t like this pit and I don’t like these men either.
Hey someone, Maggie, please stop them!
You know how much I fear darkness.
Don’t be fooled by the shallowness of this pit,
Its too dark and very deep.
They should not put me down there,
I will never come out!
I will never come back!

This is very strange,
Everyone is throwing dirt at me.
All because the priest said dust to dust and ashes to ashes.
He lied! I have never been dust or ash!
Everyone is wailing even the more.
Are they a bunch of hypocrites?
No, that’s how they show their love for me.

They all bid me farewell even though they don’t know where I’m going.
But Granny seems to know my destination,
She tells me to convey her regards to her faithful departed.
So I am now also departed!

Dressed in my favourite suit
On such a tearful day
And with my loved ones abandoning me in the lonely wilderness,
This surely is my Saddest Day!

- by Luyimbaazi Dennice Vadim

Mention my name when you recite this poem. Its a dedication to my parents and all my faithful departed., Mother

This post was originally published on In Loving Memory Poems at My Saddest Day.

You showed me life
Revealing the secrets

You read my soul
Unwarranted love

*******

You took a path
I could not follow

A right reclaimed
and granted
a thousandfold

*******

Time, re-created,
Is now a gate onto the future

And beyond that gate
Your future has now begun

by Els van den Eynde

This post was originally published on In Loving Memory Poems at Daring Time.